Time for a little R & R!

Why can’t the human race just be

simple and keep shit simple? I swear

for beans I do not want a committed

relationship.

But is a cud bud too much to ask for?

I mean really, somebody that’s

interested in me and finds me

interesting and attractive but

without all of the bullshit. He can just text on a regular basis, call every now

and then to see what’s up, stop pass with some green and drinks just to chill and

watch a movie or two but without all the B.S. that comes with a relationship. I’m

not answering to any man ever. No man will ever tell me to stay home, or dictate

who I can and cannot talk to. And I don’t want to have to train a man to be exactly

what I want. You are you and I am me and we just kick it, plain and simple. But

boys these days can’t even do that.

Express yourself without hurting other people’s feelings?

It’s been said that honesty is the best policy but if your honesty hurts someone you care about then is it worth being honest? I think that it’s better to keep 90% of your thoughts to yourself. If we let people know what we’re truly thinking then no one would have friends, lovers, even family. I’m a very negative person and I always think the worst but I think given all the circumstances that I’m slowly, very slowly, coming out of that stage. When I have a negative thought a silent positive follows a second later and it makes me stop for a minute and think. Thinking is my best friend. Walking around with my head hung low or a chip on my shoulder or mad and angry and sad all the time is not only bad for me but it makes the people around me feel horrible. I don’t want to make anyone feel uneasy or bring their spirits down. When you take your feelings out on others, no matter how what your feeling has nothing to do with them, you make it personal when you lash out at them, berate them or, in a sense, hate them. I’m tired of arguing and fighting and being down all the time. People tell me that I’m afraid to live and I’m starting to agree with them. I am afraid to live because if I let myself enjoy a life that was ripped from people that deserve it more than me then I feel guilty. But life wasn’t ripped from them. They are gone for a reason and although I miss them I have to live for me, because I am still alive and breathing and blessed. But you see the easy part is acknowledging all of this and the hardest part is, believing that it’s true. Lashing out at innocent people is mean, evil and makes you unpleasant to be around. People have hurt me in the past and I found that if I can’t forgive them then it’s easier to not deal with them at all. Because if I’m around them I’m not going to be nice as I’m hurt by what they did to me. There are also people in my life that have hurt me and I’m ready to forgive but I don’t know how. Is it too late to forgive? hmmm... more thoughts on this topic to come.

Ok just checking to see if my mobile blogging works.