Old Dog New Tricks (my ass)

Well I’m 30. I’ll be 30 fucking ONE in a few weeks and I start by first day of college on the 23^rd of August. Pathetic, right, well I think so. I know it’s all about it never being too late and going after what you want when it’s the right time and never looking back or having regrets blah blah blah blah bullshit!

I know all of the positive shit that I’m trained to utilize but the negative is heavy as shit on my shoulders! The negatives have kept me down for 30 fucking years. Am I sick of being so negative, hell yes. Am I sick of being judged incorrectly, you damn right. Am I fed up with people thinking I’m as dumb as a fucking box of circles, right on! BUT still I am not strong enough to punch negativity in the face and embrace positivity as my new BFF.

I know in the back of my mind that I am not able to pull this college thing off successfully and I’ll end up owing money back for nothing and I’ll just add that cost to my list of bad credit bullshit! I’m confused and scared as shit because for one, my memory is jacked the fuck up! I can’t remember shit! All those years of playing house with Mary Jane’s bad ass has caught up with me.

Basically I have two areas of main interest which are Web Design/Development and Writing. Although I have never written, well “finished” writing anything in my life I like to think I have a pretty active and interesting imagination. I also think I’m funny as hell (or so I’m often told) but we all know people like, and that will come in handy when I bang out a bestselling romantic comedy I guess. See, high hopes + no self confidence = failure. In fact that’s my, whatchamacallit? Oh formula, that’s my formula.

Hh+NsC² =F

Well I settled for journeying toward a degree in English and I’ll minor in computer science I guess. Even though I’ll fail I guess failing is better than not doing anything at all because lets face it the only successful believe bullshit quotes like,

“If you put your mind to it you can become anything you want”

Or

“Hard work goes a long way”

And

“Reach for the moon and you’ll land on a star”

And my personal favorite

“Beauty is only skin deep” -- *crickets*

BOL!!!! Yeah I went a little off topic with that last one but come on people, that really is BULLSHIT and truly something that ONLY ugly people say!! Just like only fat people believe its ok to be fat because what skinny bitch you know lay awake at night and dream about being fat? They say things like, ‘oooh my goodness I wish I had two stomachs and back rolls’, or ‘dammit I fucking hate that I can stand here naked and see my pubic hairs without lifting up my second stomach’

I’m out! I’m running wild with this one, peace out suckas!!!!!

5 at 5!

Hmm… In no way is this rant aimed toward hurting feelings or declaring war, however due to sensitivity this will no doubt do just that. I can’t keep remaining silent! It’s getting painful to smile and hide the “fuck it” on my face. (Insert silent plea for help here)

You are no doubt wondering about the meaning of this blog title and I’ll get to that shortly. But first I’d just like to go on record in saying that everything happens for a reason and the steps we take each and every day lead us to the next. Oh, and I appreciate my position.

But… I am a grown fucking woman!

Before I continue, let me lay out a few facts for you.

ª Fact: I play a lot.

ª Fact: I like to laugh (studies show that laughing reduces belly fat)

ª Fact: I’m not always taken seriously as an adult because of my constant banter with those younger than I.

But… I am a grown fucking woman!

The only time I am treated like an adult is during work hours from 8-4:30 hence the title. It is at the stroke of 5 I regress back into a 5 year old girl and I’m under constant scrutiny. Why can’t I have company and be left alone? Why is every move I make watched? I pay my bills on time, I pay my rent on time whilst others are left to frolic immaturely and do whatever they please. Granted, my company in question is younger than me but come on now this is the 21^st century! You don’t only have to hang out with people your age because lets face another,

ª Fact: Some “older” folk are not always the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

I mean, it’s a sad day in America when your most intellectual conversation comes from children, not a jab at the children of course!

And…

ª Fact: Company In question is of legal age to do with whatever the hell I wanted IF he chose to do so. (and I meant that just how I wrote it)

Which brings me to another topic, dating younger than you? Yay or Nay? Look for it soon!

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